“The Autumn chill that wakes me up”

10 years or so. I received a text that ripped my soul. “Cullen is missing. We are all headed up to search for him.” We had just land back from celebrating my brother getting married to an amazing family. Only to find out my other brother is not able to be located. The details were that he went to go out on the water and relax like he always did. But something happened. His brain was disoriented just for a second I imagine feeling lost, scared.. he called his wife in a frantic what was going on she asked. His thoughts racing and fear in his voice. That would be the last time any one will have an opportunity to meet one of the most amazing people to me I’ve ever met. I was a walk-on at GV means because I’m like an immigrant not only scholarship. Didn’t get recruited nothing. Like anything if you can’t help in profiting them, you don’t get love and I was a freshman. Not too many cats showed love actually many of them showed the opposite who tf was I. I had no power the only person hyping me up was my Scout O coaches. And Cullen. The best player in not only Grand Valleys history. But the NCAA the most all

time winning QB in its history. The young lady I was dating happened to be friends with Cullen’s GR. So as a freshman I’m hanging out with C-Time the QB I just watched single-handedly win me a national championship. And he’s the nicest dude ever. Always making sure I was good when I was with him. And never once talking about football off the field. It was always about you and having a good time. He showed me how to handle not being that walk-on that didn’t really matter to being the guy the want on the back of their buses. Same human might I add. But that’s what it is. He’s dead and has been for 10 years. His last moments sound like an experience I had, but only I’m here and he’s not. He had a wife and beautiful kids.

And the person who contributed to his earlier existence is still sending many others. His killer the killer of my teammate is still out there. And that was a greater desire over profit than life. In a shadowy organization that operates with absolute impunity. I don’t believe in any form of physical violence and war, I’m a pacifist they believes all life is dignified and should be persevered for the hope that someone turns from not letting kids know that there running full speed into each other is literally killing themselves. To letting them know that head impact are a serious thing.

This shadowy organization who acts with zero impunity. Just because I didn’t respond then when I found you you killed my brother. Means I’ve been on the white board. And when you draw up plays. You make sure they work.

NC meet AA. Licensed mental health counselor that has some serious concerns for your lack of response and care for players experiencing mental health symptoms of brain loss, brain fog, inability to complete certain task, loss of life, inability to hold steady employment, high cases of substance abuse? Have you done any investigations to why football players seem to be doing really risky behaviors? Antonio Brown suffered a devastating hit to the head, did you guys ever make sure he had a license therapist he could speak to at all times. Due to

Grand Haven Festival 4th of July

The knowledge of the impacts on repeated hits to the head.

You didn’t act in any meaningful way when the greatest player of your organization died. Did you offer grief support counselors to his former teammates and current students who walk around the woods in the middle of summer to find his body lifeless. To find out that his brain has significant unexplained damage to it to be so young. Did you let those student athletes know that could be them. Did you inform my caring coaches of the scientific research and the recommendation you received in 1950’s that it a player has one concussion they should sit out for the year and if they have another they should never play football again.

I know a high school football player who has had 9+ concussions, will the MHSAA help because he is literally unable to focus in class? Why because he has had 9+ concussions and every single coach is brain washed by your propaganda and research you buried telling the public not to be alarmed and to keep playing football?

I’m not saying a person should play football but they should know. Their life can be over way to soon. We could have learned those same lessons we learned through football in playing video game competition. Wr didn’t need to use our body as a test dumby.

I have had many of my teammate spouses as I have talked about this reach out to me. I used to experience a lot of what Cullen did in that moment. And have cured it. Switching to a plant based eating, 15 minutes at least a day of activity, finding this you enjoy, not being around large crowds, not being around people who are angry and violent, giving back (huge one) your body reduces what’s called oxytocin and it’s effect can reheal your brain and body with pairing. I do smoke weed but don’t recommend it over the other things but in situations when you know you need extra help it works. Talking to someone, hot saunas have been so helpful they create what’s called heat shock protein and these things literally reshape the chemistry of your body, intermittent fasting. With these I was able to go from someone who maintained an unhealthy body weight 250 to 215. And cure not the experience of having these experiencing because we have to remember the damage is done to the brain. But curing and making sure we can mitigate this.

This is why I’m offering to any athlete across America crisis counseling on demand 24/7 too many players that I played have gone through mental crisis alone and the lack of response by most schools have been awful.

Thankfully Grand Valley has been involved in finding solutions for athletes struggling with mental health. @lakerslisten if

you need.

I have no affiliation with any company, university or school. I am an limited license professional counselor from the state of Michigan. Counseling license #6451015624

Please text 616-349-7400 or on my IG I have a calendar you can sign up on. If you are having any symptoms of brain fog, losing things, lack of energy and motivation, complications with writing and other focusing on detail specific things please hit me up these are possible things we need to get ahead.

No one’s last moments should be in fear. I may not be able to change the ultimate outcome but if I can make sure you don’t go through it alone that’s what I’ll do.

1.2..3.4…. I declare a court of public opinion war.. 5..6…7..8 NCAA get your story straight…You failed to let my brother know he was touchable, his brain..was very touchable.. He is no longer here and his kids will never get to know the fullness of their dad but at least they can know their daddy changed the world…He was a champion not because of trophies but because the way time suspended when you were with him. He made you feel when you were with him that the fun you guys were having was exactly where he wanted to be.

miss you brother.. I will not just stand here..